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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Newzweak Story Causes Panic, Destruction

A story in the popular magazine, Newzweak, has created panic and death to thousands. The columnist, Mikl Itsacough, reported the incident of a five-year-old Colorado girl who got a thorn from an American Beauty rose bush embedded in her hand. This caused an infection which was very painful. Her parents were quite upset and decided to remove the rose bush with extreme prejudice.

Other mainstream news organizations quickly picked up the story and within days there was widespread panic. Roving bands of emotional parents started rioting; destroying every American Beauty rose within site. No American Beauty rose was safe as parents broke into backyards and flower shops to vent their wrath.

Unfortunately, the American Beauty was not the only victim. Non-horticulturist rioters were not as selective. As one said, "the only good rose is a dead rose".

As the riots raged on, Newzweak wrote a follow-up story stating that the girls' infection may have been caused by a splinter from a piece of playground equiptment. The damage had been done however. Millions of roses have been destroyed and tens of thousands of dollars of property damage has been caused.

More on this story as it continues....

3 Comments:

Anonymous The Aprentice said...

Maybe its my youth or posibly a misconception of american history but didn't it used to take a real isue to incite the american populus to riot?? you know civil rights or comunism, but flowers and finger infections. or even better sheer drunken stupidity as is the riot starter of choice for Colorado State University students recently. could this be a symtom of the liberral spin machine or simply the evolutionary decline of human standards???

5:15 PM

 
Blogger The Plumber said...

The post is a parody. It is a reference to a Newsweek article which caused death and mayhem in Muslim countries.

7:58 AM

 
Anonymous The Apprentice said...

I realized shortly after posting my coment that I was misunderstanding the original post.however it does go to show how much power that the news media has

3:02 PM

 

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