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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Overheard at Camp Crawford

Sandy Bergler made a surprise visit to Camp Crawford. After schmoozing with the protesters and members of the "small media", Bergler, Cindy MeMeMehan, and a reporter representing the country's most influential newspaper, the New Bork Times, ducked into a Suburban parked at the side of the road. Thanks to a parabolic listening device, a rancher (thinking that if he could hear oil under his property, he could afford a fence to keep illegals off his property) overheard the conversation:

Bergler: Hey you guy's are doing great! How ya holdin' up Cindy?

Cindy: Gimme some water jackass!

Bergler fumbles for an Evian and sputters: Sure Cindy, sure.

Cindy: If I'm going to be expected to be out here much longer, I want to renegociate the funding target goals.

Bergler: THAT'S BLACKMAIL! WE HAVE A DEAL!

Cindy: FUCK YOU, JEW-BOY! I know you guys don't have shit. Neither do they.
[Cindy gestures to the reporter (only known as "The Eraser") who has now moved away from MeMeMehan]

Bergler: OK, OK. I can probably get a donation from Jaime Gorelickey and Madaline Halfbright although Jamie hasn't had meaningful work since the 9-11 Commission and she may have some lawyer fees if we can't keep this quiet. And I'm not Jewish.

Cindy: You smell like a Jew.

The Eraser: I can help. I will put up your website and write that you need money to keep up your crusade. Oh f**k! I mean, struggle. I can keep the Camp Casey story going ad infinitum so long as we can keep the celebrities coming down.

Bergler: No problem. Most of these people lost their money and fame after the BongWater Bottling Company scam. They'd do anything for press. I can put Bill on that. He has some sort of "zen-thing" goin' with those people.

The Eraser: The question is, "How long do we have to keep it up"?

Bergler: Not much longer. I've destroyed most of the evidence and Jaime's "lover" in the Pentagon got the rest. We just have to wait out talk radio and the right wing blogosphere.

The Eraser: Do you think the enemy will be able to connect Johnny Huang, Gorlickey, and "Able Danger"?

(Just then Bergler slaps the dogshit out of the reporter, grabs her by the hair, and jabs his finger in her face): Don't you EVER mention Huang or Able Danger! I will cut your tongue out you f**kin' c*nt! Now get the f**k out of my car!

The Eraser and MeMeMehan exit the vehicle to take their positions in the ditch. Bergler speeds of in a blaze of dust and mediocritie.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can something be funny and sad at the same time?

-anon2

11:13 AM

 
Blogger bob said...

Home run!

9:39 PM

 
Blogger bob said...

This belongs in the Carnival of Comedy. Cheers!

2:32 PM

 
Blogger The Plumber said...

Bob,

Thanks for your kind words.

I hate to think that this will get swept under the rug. Unfortunately, Arlen "Single Bullet" Spector is doing the investigation into Able Danger.

4:15 PM

 

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